Anger in the Sorrow during Covid 19 Times
By Mariel Forde Clarke 16th April 2020
Life seems unfair during the many challenges that life throws at us during normal times. However, life is radically changing globally during these tense and fearful times. The loss of a loved one at any stage is traumatic, but the loss of a loved one now during these Covid 19 times is heart-breaking as a sense of despair and hopelessness takes us hostage into the unknown. There is an old Irish cliché that states “life is a bitch and then you die”. Life is surely that bitch now as the anger and frustration in losing a loved one is beyond words.
If you have lost a loved one during these times – please accept your anger as it is a justifiable anger. You have every right to be angry – angry at the fact that you were robbed of the opportunity of saying goodbye – angry that you didn’t get to sit with them and hold their hand – angry that you didn’t get the chance to say “I am sorry please forgive me – angry with God / or whoever you believe in – or just angry because your loved one was a good person and did not deserve to die this way and in these circumstances.
Some gentle guidance to soothe your soul and assist in some form of healing
Your anger is justifiable as you feel abandoned. Your anger is giving you a temporary refuge to safeguard you from the enormity of your loss. Know that in time your anger will subside as you will find ways to honour the memory of your loved one by keeping treasured memories alive.
You may be questioning “what do I believe in? Do I believe in anything at all? It is not important what you believe in or if you have no belief system at all. The bottom line is how you treat your fellow human beings. God is in religion but also in the absence of it. Whether you believe in Allah, Buddha, Krishna, Mecca or Great Spirit, know that a spark of Divinity resides within every human being upon mother earth – how to choose to ignite that spark is personal to you.
Honouring your loved One
In time you will find a way that is fitting to honour the memory of your loved one. It may be planting a tree, releasing some balloons, run a marathon for charity, dedicate time in service to the vulnerable, place a name plate on a park bench, hosting an annual event – all are way that hold sacred the memory of your loved one.
If you had unfinished business with your loved one and you had fallen out and had not the time to make amends – know that where you loved one now resides – there are no judgements – no anger – only love prevails. You can always find a level of healing by using this method of closure. Take piece of paper and pen – play some gentle music in the background – light a candle if you wish – and start of by saying – on the day you died I was ________________ and write whatever comes from your heart. Whatever you write know that your loved one feels it spiritually in theirs.
This is a two-way healing process and can be done many times until you feel you have said everything that was left unsaid. Then you can roll it up – bless it with you love and burn it in the fire. Fire is the greatest form of transmutation and purifies anything negative that was between your loved one and you. Give yourself permission to sit with your emotions/feelings and thoughts as they provide a catalyst for your healing journey.
May I assure you from the work that I do with the dying and the phenomena I have witnessed during those final hours – despite one’s physical absence – no one die’s alone. During these traumatic times from a physical level although you were not there to hold their hand or say goodbye, that on a spiritual level, your loved one was held in the most profound state of love. Please trust and believe that deceased family members came to guide them home.
How do I know this – because I have witnessed such profound experiences. No soul is left to make that final journey alone. They travel in the company of those gone before them who take their hand and lead them into the light. Every soul regardless of what they believe in or not believe in- continues to exist in the higher realms beyond the veil of death.
The Light alone – gives grace and truth to life’s unquiet dreams. (P.S. Shelley)